Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
