My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
