508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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