She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
