so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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