Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
