Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
