a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
