So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
