also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My cat gives me a boner
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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