Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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