I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
