just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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