You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
