i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
