Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
