someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
