I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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