My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
