I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
