I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
