we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
