i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
