Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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