I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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