I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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