@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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