Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I touched a dick in church today
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
