I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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