he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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