She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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