Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
