last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
