I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
