my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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