Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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