Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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