my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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