It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
