Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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