I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
