Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
