I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How does one acquire holy water?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
