If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
