everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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