so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
