I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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