I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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