Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
