Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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