I wanna passion pit in your ass
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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