If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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