Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
