New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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