Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
