I wish I could punch you in the face.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize