it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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