My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
