Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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