I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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