You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
