he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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