I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You need a sexual gate keeper
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
