I hate all girls vehemently.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
