I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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