i wish peter jackson would direct porn
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I love having hate sex.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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