Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
two words...techno handjob
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
