i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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