He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
