fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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