Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
