omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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