After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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