I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
