she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
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he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
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Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You ate ashes out of my bong
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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