my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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