My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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