I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
