Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
