there's paper in my vomit.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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