the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
